I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
