Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
