he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
