You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
