When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
