Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
