there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
