She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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