I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
