Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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