Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
