I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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