Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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