1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
