I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
