At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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