My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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