News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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