Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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