I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
