I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
