addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
