You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
