nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
