i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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