Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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