he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
