I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I love you.
Bad choice
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
