i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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