I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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