Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
