I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
