i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
