i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
