I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
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There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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