dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
