This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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