Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
