ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
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I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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