dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
