thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
