Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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