I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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