I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
