I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
