Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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