Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
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Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
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I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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