I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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