Are we in a gay sports bar?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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