i already hear my dad disowning me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
