I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
