Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
