eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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