the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
