i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
