There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
operation harelip BJ is a go
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
