Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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