I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
