But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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