Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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