hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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