Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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