did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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