How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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