Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
