i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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