haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
